[Extended Recap] Week 8: Your NFL Team Comparison

It's the real "Who's Who" in the Fellowship

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Dom, Rawb & Tom
October 31, 2024

We are now past the mid-season mark. We've seen some exciting win streaks, some shocking upsets, and even a Halloween spooktakular special. After our first Battle for Middle Earth tournament, we've seen enough trends in both the NFL and the Fellowship that we've taken it upon ourselves to compare each of the 14 teams and league managers to a specific NFL team and narrative at this point of the season. Welcome to November, hobbits!

So enjoy this extended edition of our recap, as we cover a lot to bring you the fantasy entertainment fit for Middle Earth.

For the first time this season we have no change to this week’s ranking!

Rank*

Team

± Change

1

Detroit Lines

-

2

Beerserkers

-

3

McConkey Kong

-

4

Haribo Lecter

-

5

LuLu Lemons

-

Dropped from rankings:

*(Points Scored x2) + (Points Scored * Winning %) + (Points Scored * Winning % if played vs the median score of the week)

Trying something a little new here, where we see what fantasy team aligns with an NFL team. We tried to match each team up based on record (or as close as we can get) and their similar NFL storyline / narrative. So check out who your NFL team is and why that may be.

Any complaints? Write a letter to Rodger Goodell.

Fantasy Team

NFL Team

Why this team

The Algorithm

Baltimore Ravens

What started off as an up and down record, the Ravens loos to be back on track - just like our Algorithm. And just like how Trevor’s team is controlled by a machine, so are the Ravens with John Harbaugh

Beerserkers

Washington Commanders Red Skins

After missing the playoffs last year, the ‘Serkers have gotten themselves back into post season contention. Similar to the skins of red color, as they are a stunning 6-2 and leading the NFC East for the first time in a while. Both riding on the coattails of a young Jayden Daniels.

Bodega Cat

Cincinnati Bengals

Historically a team finding success in both the regular season and post-season, the Bodega Cats mirror that of the other Cat mascot in the NFL. The Bengals seemed to be poised for another good season, only to find themselves on the struggle bus… sitting next to the Bodega Cats.

Detroit Lines

Detroit Lions

We aren’t moving far from the hometown here. Without referee help, the Lions are the best offense in the NFL… and so are the Lines. Seemingly only missing a Dan Campbell, this team looks ready to gun for the title.

Gooning With All Mahomies 🤌

Arizona Cardinals

Not particularly plagued by the new COD release, the Mahomies have found themselves up and down this season, just like the Cards. Seemingly finding their offense, then losing it, then finding it again - they sit at a balanced 4-4 ready for an at large playoff berth.

Haribo Lecter

Denver Broncos

Seeing that both teams get off to a slow start, they have now found themselves and are in the end of winning records. This either has to be veteran coaching, or a 44 year-old Bo Nix, or maybe sheer luck - but nonetheless both these squads are on a roll.

Jimmy Da Kid

New York Giants

Featuring completely Ass quarterback play, the Giants and Jimmy have a lot in common. Teams that should probably be better than what their record is have found themselves struggling to muster up any offense. Jimmy has found his way to dabble in the ways of Daboll and be in charge of an organization in complete sleepless disarray.

LuLu Lemons

Philadelphia Eagles

Just like Katy Perry, you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in then you’re out. And we’ve seen both of these teams either on fire, or struggle to score/win. But with a depth of talent, the cream will rise and find themselves answering the call as a wild-card team.

McConkey Kong

Houston Texans

Bewildered by injuries, but with solid kicking, both these teams deliver an offense that can pack a punch strong enough to break your girlfriends jaw (just ask Joe Mixon!). While we’re only halfway through the year, expect to hear both these names when talking about the divisional title.

The Philadelphia Smeagles

Cleveland Browns

The 2-6 apple does not fall far from the tree. The Smeagles find themselves as their favorite team, led by injured running backs and a historical curse of bad luck. If the MacSucken’ existed in the NFL, you just know the Browns would be the the record holder, just like the Smeagles.

RawbPeeple

New Orleans Saints

A blazing 2-0 start kept the murder rate quiet in NOLA, but now losing 6 in a row the saints somehow have a disaster worse than Katrina. And that sweet jazzy music of misery plays in the heart of Rawb, who is also on a 5 game losing stream and ready to paint his ceiling millennial red.

Sacks in the City

Los Angeles Rams

Usually a power offense primed and ready to win, the injury bug has taken a bite out of their momentum. Losing some key wide receiver pieces at the start, things look to be on the up and up as Cooper / Puka + JJ / Pittman Jr. look to get back to their touchdown scoring days.

Spaghetti Mafia

Seattle Seahawks

This feels more like the Seahawks team but with last years coach. Zach = Pete Carroll and how he’s working the waiver wire, trade offers, and his line up schemes. And so far, it has been working out - just like the Seahawks both teams find themselves on the fringe of playoffs where a few key games over the next few weeks determine their fate.

Stroud Boys

Atlanta Falcons

Where fantasy manager and starting QB’s look alike. Big Kirko and Ron find themselves standing 6’4 and 105lbs, and both with offenses that can get rolling when they need to.

But with some roster flubs, it’s just like Atlanta based Chick-fil-A, where Ron’s team isn’t open on a Sunday.

GOONER OF THE WEEK:

We might have ourselves the Gooner of the Century in Tyrique Stevenson. With the Bears just about to seal a win, this Gooner decides to chirp at Commander fans while the play is going on.

But wait it gets better. Not only was he late to the play, he’s also the guy who TIPS IT to Noah Brown to lose the game!

But wait it gets EVEN BETTER. Not only was he the cause of the loss, he made a bet with Commander fans before the game that he would win:

We have a fun saying here that is, “Gooners Never Die”… and yeah, Tyrique is going into immortality as the odds on favorite for “Gooner of the Year”.

RawbPeeple's Crumbling Sense of Self Worth vs. Stroud Boys: The broken Saints nearly stop the bleeding against the Falcons.

We'll start this off right by laying all of my feelings on the table. Yes, I have lost 5 games in a row as RawbPeeple. Yes, that is the third longest losing streak in Fellowship history. Yes, I'm very angry that all work, online research, and no dubs to show for it make Rawb a very sad, dull boy. Will this turn me into a murderous husband? You'll just have to wait until next year's SO Week. And no, I don't miss Megan, and I certainly don't miss Gabe Davis.

This week, in spite of Jalen Hurts and A'Chane actually looking like a professional athlete, RawbPeeple's was one outstretched shoulder away from snapping a losing a streak. Hey, raise a sprained limb if you saw this coming. I don't know if it's the Superbowl runner-up curse, the Madden curse, or maybe a recent "Rawb is the NY Jets Aaron Rodgers of the league" curse. Jordan Mason may have played in his last start of the season if CMC ends up returning after SF's bye week.

Good on you for having a solid debut season Stroud Boys, but this is fucking bullshit and a I demand "stop the steal" style recount. Even against a red hot MNF Steelers defense, Nabers is back, supporting the Stroud house and helping the playoff cause next week against Sacks in the City. Then, on a very special episode of RawbPeeple, we dive deeper into a man's fantasy football trauma as he faces off against the Beerserkers in a nightmare match-up.

Bodega Cats vs. Detroit Lines: The Bengals lose in heartbreaking fashion to the Lions.:

Speaking of injuries, even I feel bad complaining about my losses. Bodega was so close that I almost felt like he had a team name change to the "Bodega Swipers." Jess, no stealing wins from hard-working commissioners! The dub was practically gifted wrapped in a cat tower shaped present! But Jess had Kyle Pitts, Josh Allen, and Garrett Wilson saying aw man. Boswell tried to kick this one home for Dom, but Pittsburgh's special teams and defense had other plans. Diggs is another casualty of war this year, yet something tells me that the Detroit Lines and her stupidly good team will be just fine.

She looks ahead at another league wife Haribo to potentially spoil her steady climb in the standings. And here I am hoping they both somehow lose. Bodega leaves the land of Dora the Explorer to lick his wounds against the now pop-off, media relevant McConkey Kong. This biased reporter will be rooting for the Ladd in that matchup.

Spaghetti Mafia vs. Beerserkers: The Seahawks try to cancel the Redskins but America wins.

Javonte Williams is back baby! We all knew that with a matchup like Carolina that this guy would be FEASTING like Kirko Chains chowin' on some turducken. However, not all fantasy matchups can end with a Disney happily ever after fairytale ending... especially when that fairytale left the Ladd McConkey and Marvin Harrison Jr pop-offs on the Blu-ray's deleted scenes. Nope. Instead, the Spaghetti Wise Guys got DJ Moo-ueller's Day Off on their stop at the Beerserkers Best Buy. The Norwegian binge drinkers popped champagne with over 150 points scored with Cade Otton and Josh Jacobs looking like Dutch and Dillon in Predator.

Oh yeah, and lest we forget, most of the Beerserkers b-side bench players were playing some fucking Billboard Top 100 chart-topping hits with almost every player scoring in double figures. And finally Diontae Johnson returns to the AFC North as a Baltimore Raven. We already know the Commando-Beerserkers has RawbPeeple in his Commando iron sights, but can Javonte get some goddamn back support next week against LuLu and his lemons?!

The Algorithm vs. Haribo Lecter: Broncos edge past the Ravens in this thrilling matchup

Matchup of the week, indeed. In a week of football with some damn offense (bout time), we saw CeeDee actually show he's worth the money and the ADP. LaPorta looked like his usual self or at least some worthy enough to play Lions offense outside of running back. And Puka got to return to the field, only for my wife to say "go off in my IR slot king." Kirk continues to show his ceiling, and that might be the difference in Haribo's steady rise as she continues to surprise all of us with her "pick guys with funny names strategy." No, really. That's what is happening. As I type this, I literally stare off into the distance Jack Nicholson style. Nice try, machine learning. Good ole' fashioned dumbass humanity really knows when to outsmart the smartest AI algorithms on the market. SAP? More like U S A !

Gooning With All of Mahomies vs. McConkey Kong: The Cardinals stun the Texans with some public mast*r--

Bo Nix, or white Jalen Hurts as I like to call him, looks like he's ready to make these crazy Gooners a contender -- just like the Denver Broncos. Tony's team, however, has found some kind of groove just like Arizona. With the rest of the team following Chase, even Courtland Sutton had to make Rawb look like a douche canoe. Without Deshaun Watson rubbing his shoulders during halftime, Njoku seems limber enough to run circles around most tight ends in the NFL. Even Jerry Jeudy gooned himself back to his floor on the bench! Tragically, not enough of McConkey Kong's players committed domestic abuse during the course of their careers to perform consistently this week. Jordan, instead, felt all of the love in his groin. Can Justin Herbert save McConkey from a skid next week against Cats! A Bodega Musical? Can Gooning continue his Diddy freak-off party against under*ge Jimmy the Kid? I don't know. This JuJu Smith-Schuster magic 8-Ball I found seems to be hit or miss when it comes to matchup predictions.

Jimmy the Kid vs. The Philadelphia Smeagels: The NYG faceplant against the Browns. Ouch.

Speaking of trauma and Justin Bieber, it seems like all of Jimmy's shawties are eenie-meenie-miney-mo lovers. Ain't no one on this team helping this man's cause aside from JT and Khalil Shaker (when Josh Allen remembers he has him as a wide receiver that is). Calvin Ridley and Travis Kelce monster mashed their way back to their 2020 stat lines to help Josh pass the MacSucken' once again. It's kind of though looking at Pacheco and Aiyuk go H2H with CMC and Nico Collins in the IR slots. Hey, it wouldn't be Halloween if we didn't include a zombie matchup right? The Philly Gollums look to keep things interesting with their suicide squad against the T-1000. And next week, Jimmy will build his SA court case against Gooning and all of his Diddy-Mahomies.

LuLu Lemons vs. Sacks in the City: The Eagles rizz up the Rams, finally mogging enough the past few weeks to climb up the standings.

LuLu's on a mewing streak. It breaks my heart, but the Lemons have some dogs like Cook and Engram stuffing the box score while Sacks in the City sags like a titty. Tua made the Dolphins better, but he couldn't help these four women find their purse in a nightclub the night after being roofied by Mattison and McMillan's poor showings. Worst of all, Michael Pittman Jr. is no Mr. Big this year. With Godwin out for the year, and an absentee Goedert, we pray that Samantha and the girls fare a bit better next week against some Stroud Boys. Maybe they can suck off and edge their way to victory? Regardless, LuLu has the edge in a matchup against the mafia. Should've named your team the Chinese Triad, Zach.

I hope everyone has a great Halloween, and I hope that I don't go searching for the Smile demon to possess me and take away all of my pain... especially if the horror continues past November 1st.