The Fellowship Week 1 Preview [Plus Draft Recap]

It’s here. It’s finally here.

The NFL Football season is finally upon us. Brat Summer is officially over and Hobbit fall is in full swing. A season filled with cooler weather, pumpkin spice everything, and the decline of our mental health as we watch our first round pick go out with a season ending injury.

The trials and tribulations of being the one true ruler begin today as all 14 of us embark on our road to Mordor - where only one will wear the ring.

The 2022-2023 season saw a lot of parity across the league, while last year saw some big teams with higher win percentages dominate the regular season and playoffs.

This year? There are some new members to the league, of course, so there may be a completely new champion crowned at the end of the season!

Let’s look at what we have going on in week one with a preview from Rawbert, and a round one draft recap from Tom.

“I want to take this time to give a special thanks to each of you and fantasy football. Thank god we're not in some nerdy movie or tv show watch party club... because fantasy/sci-fi shows like House of the Dragon, Star Wars The Acolyte, and Rings of Power have been more disappointing than a starting lineup on IR after week 2 ... so thank the Tolkien estate we're all fans of football and this recap's about our league personalities going H2H - and not about yet another fantasy reboot or sequel.

The Champ opens up at Home:

The Algorithm, fresh off of his first championship, takes on LuLu Lemons - a once reigning champ in a simpler time. There were some interesting choices made in the name of wiping out all of humanity. Skynet has RaCHAD White and Zeke alongside Zay Flowers and LaPorta backing up newly minted CeeDee Lamb. The doggos have the Breece Hall and James Cook RB two-headed monster with Deebo and Mark Andrews teaming up to mitigate a Lamb pop-off. It's Week 1 but this matchup in the east could predict a playoff bout in the future.

One Goon to Edge them all:

Our next stop takes us to LuLu's rival, RawbPeeple, in a rematch with Gooning with All Mahomies. Rawb remembers their MNF match well from the last season as it kept him out of a playoff spot. This time, Evan Engram is replaced by the new cadillac of tight ends: Dalton Kincaid. Will Bodega Cat's sweet baby angel be enough with a new squad to spoil Mahomies, who's coming off his first season in the league and his first playoff spot? Players to watch in this H2H are Mahomies and his QB Patrick. The GOAT chaser might have a big game, but RawbPeeple holds Rashee Rice in the flex position to soak up some points if PM finds him for some tuddies.

Are we in for Good Ole Fashioned Suck off?:

Another former champ, Bodega Cat, knows all about satisfied rosters. If one were to glaze (and this biased reporter loves to glaze especially if it concerns the Bodega Cat mentality), this roster has some heavy hitters ready for the season. From Josh Allen and Travis Etienne Jr. to Garrett Wilson and even Kyle Pitts, the potential returns are high. Yet if the Spaghetti Mafia have anything to say about this matchup, rookie Caleb Williams facing off against the Titans defense may force some kitties to sleep with the fishes. There are some rookies with the new mob in the league, so this young team could be a teaser trailer for the NFL's future and the future of our dear fellowship. However, both teams are 13 and 14 respectively in ESPN’s power rankings, so will they live up to those tail end projections and race to the bottom?

The MacSuckin’ is back in action:

With the overall number one projection so far in the league, the Smeagles are riding high! The past is in the past, and the MacSucken may be passed over to Kirk Cousins Goat if Jordan doesn't feel the love against the Eagles on Friday night. Joe Mixon and a super-charged Tyjae Spears lead the RB charge against CMC and his Washington sidekick (insert committee back name here). Can Calvin Ridley find chemistry with the rookie in Chicago to offset AJ Brown and his former teammate Christian Kirk? Both teams are projected over 120 for this one so expect a barn burner or be disappointed like by the ESPN projections once more - it's a tale as old as time. This musical break was brought to you by Disney Plus.

Rookies travel into the Vets territory:

We welcomed three new rookies into the league, and they all get match ups on the road against some tenured vets - how will they fare?

A new tale begins with local Stroud Boys taking on a sackful of gummy bears, Haribo Lecter. Both teams are highly projected with teams that feature strong RBs like Bijan for Stroud and Kyren Williams, last year's standout, for Haribo. The big question marks in this matchup are the rookie Nabers with the Giants connecting with Danny Dimes and if Puka Nacua can still be a standout wide-out with Cooper Kupp back in a consistent role.

Someone that's not a stranger to TDs and winning; Jimmy Da Kid has joined the war for Middle Earth! He's taking on league veteran Beerserkers. While Beerserkers has the binge-drinking ESPN BAC predictions in his favor - Jimmy has bonafide championship experience on his side from last year's elimination league. Can Dak stay red hot from last year? Is Tyreek Hill worth the first round draft capital that all of us spent our hard-earned lembas bread on??? Legolas says a one single pick is enough to fill and satisfy the roster of a grown fantasy manager! This very specific LotR reference was brought to you by Amazon Prime by the way.

Finally, Sacks in the City, a NYC set sitcom, cheats on their diet with some Detroit hot dogs. The Detroit Lines have some big starters like Joe Burrow, Saquon Barkley, Derrick Henry, Stefon Diggs, and Greg Kittle. Most of those players have been in the league for so long that they're on new teams! Que the laugh track, right? Sacks in the City was on a red hot run last year and finished in second place. Rhamondre Stevenson is still rostered in over 90% of leagues, but I'm sure most of us (including Sacks) would want him to finish closer to 200 points than where he ended up last year. To offset the NE back, Justin Jefferson looks to finish the season this season healthy without Kirk while MPJ and Godwin still have some boom potential. And speaking of potential, maximize your entertainment views potential with MAX. One of our other sponsors that didn’t help make any of this possible.

Boom or bust ... the Fellowship of the League fireworks, courtesy of Gandalf, kick off this Thursday!”

-Rawbpeople

Pick 1: Tony

Tony had the chance to do the funniest thing ever. And he did it. Despite the rollercoaster ride of a season it seems he'll always be chasing Ja’marr. Tony is not only the first member of the Fellowship to get the first overall pick in back to back years, but Ja’marr Chase is the first back to back first overall pick. The contract issues, Joe Burrow’s health, and ticking time bomb that is the Cincinnati Bengals couldn't stop Tony from Gooning to Ja’marr with all his MaHomies.

Pick 2: Josh

Christian McCaffrey was the one bright spot for Josh in a season that would drive many to suicide. So when Josh found himself at the altar with McCaffrey again, he said yes 1000 times. Last year's RB1, paired in pretty much the same offense? Josh couldn't stop simping for his main man. Then they drove off to their honeymoon at the hospital.

Pick 3: Tom

With the third overall pick, I selected Respecter of women and Father of the Year, Tyreek Hill. I fully endorse his performance, and that's not even counting what he does on the field. Funny enough, this too is a reunion , as Hill was my third round pick in 2022. While the first two picks were for love, this is lust for an elite wide receiver. I was even willing to watch him cuck my beloved New England Patriots twice this year. Sometimes the most intense relationships crash the hardest. Buckle up, getting back with an Ex always ends well.

Pick 4: Trevor

Can Dom please ban Trevor from using AI from the Skynet future!? Trevor's Algorithm knew CeeDee Lamb would receive a lucrative contract the next day, and procured him to help build the Matrix. Is it actually from the future? Is Jerry Jones's office bugged? Or can the Algorithm predict human behavior? Regardless, the defending champ is building his Machine Empire on the Lamborghini of Receivers.

Pick 5: Rob

Rob has officially converted to the cult of the Sun God by picking Amon-Ra St. Brown (much to the chagrin of Katie). Amon-Ra is one of the most dependable receivers in the League in a top 5 Offense. The only issue? The curse of El-Rawb! Rob’s previous first round picks of Najee Harris and Justin Jefferson ended up doing him dirty. But Rob and Amon-Ra are both German, and could potentially usher in a new Reich… I mean era.

Pick 6: Alex

Well well, look whose smoking the running back pack again. After two years of preaching against RB’s, Alex relented and picked Breece Hall. In all honesty, it was surprising that Breece fell this low. And Alex knows a ripe lemon when he sees one. In fact, Alex would end up going back to back RB’s in the first two rounds. When the draft gives you Lemons, run the shit out of that ball!

Pick 7: Ron

The Stroud Boys stormed the draft after Atlanta failed to make Bijan Robinson the feature back he was promised to be. After the Draftsurrection, Ron installed Bijan as his RB1 in hopes of a second year bounce back. But will slathering Bijan Mustard all over a sandwich make it the dominant flavor. Or will Ron still taste hints of Tyler Algeier? Looks like he's taking a bite either way.

Pick 8: Katie

After watching her treasured Amon-Rizzle (yes, she does call him that) get snatched up, Katie decided to bet on Brown: AJ Brown. That's right, the guy who was having a career year last season only to Brown out and leave Zach out to dry in the playoffs. But Katie believes in second chances. Despite naming her team Kirk Cousins GOAT, Katie is putting her trust in Jalen Hurts’ arm. And an all-female medical staff is taking care of that arm. Let's face it, this guy is just a smoother Deshaun Watson.

Pick 9: Alyssa

Sacks in the City is an HBO Rom Com in which Justin Jefferson tries to find his perfect Quarterback. Picks 1-8 faded Justin, believing he was a hopeless romantic. But Alyssa griddied her way over to the draft board and selected Young Justin after watching him produce with the immortal Nick Mullins. Hopefully his fling with Sam Darnold won't end in Heartbreak.

Pick 10: Dom

Dom shook off the salt from losing a marble race to pick at number 10. He had the chance to reunite with his 2022 disappointment Jonathan Taylor… but selected New York Jets Golden Boy Garrett Wilson instead. Other players were out on Wilson due to Aaron Rogers’ health concerns. But Dom rewatched the footage 1000 times and concluded jet fuel can't melt Achilles Tendons. Why was Aaron Rogers' assassin killed right after the hit? Why has everyone who watched the injury died mysteriously since!? Dom and Garrett will dig into a rabbit hole they may never return from.

Pick 11: Jess

Saquon Barkley rushed from a shit show in New York to its divisional rival in Pennsylvania. And Jess fully supported it as a keystone state stan. But what's the conversion rate for Danny Dimes? She's betting on a high return on investment before the dollar crashes and we start bartering for Fantasy buy ins.

Pick 12: Jimmy

Jimmy was actually being throttled by Russian hackers during this pick. But his AI decided to stick to Whale Enthusiast Jim Irsay and pick Jonathan Taylor. Our Eliminator Champion checked out Jonathan’s back, then inked up a brand contract to become Johnny da Kid. Just be warned: crashes do happen at the Indy 500.

Pick 13: Abigail

Abigail was being hacked by the Iranians funny enough. Through Allah’s divine will, she received Puka Nacua. Pukachu is a Samoan type WR, who is strong against zone coverage and weak against training camp. He evolved early last year, but can Raika Nacua edge out an allegedly health Cooper Kupp? Abigail doesn't care, as she only chooses players for funny names.

Pick 14: Zach

Zach purposely chose to be last in draft order. This man does not Gibb a fuck, selecting Detroit's break out RB to join the family. Spaghetti Mafia took Jahmyr Gibbs into the backroom of a Pizzeria and turned him into a made man. But just remember, no one betrays the family. If Jahmyr slips up, he will be found by a fishing boat, wearing cement shoes.

Great drafting with you all and best of luck this season (except for when you play me).

-Beerserkers

Best of luck to all this season, we’ll keep the recaps coming each week with meme’s, power rankings, and tons of inappropriate jokes.