Week 10: It's Rivalry Week

It’s time for one of the best weeks of the year. The battle for fantasy bragging rights against the ones we love to hate the most. Like new Barstool Sports Employee John Gruden says, it’s got me feeling really nicey.

Nothing is more fitting of a rivalry week than bringing the World Wrestling Federation Fellowship and going toe-to-toe with our rivals in the squared circle. From choke slams to frog splashes to power bombs, there’s never a better time to bust out your finisher than this week.

And that’s exactly what happened this week with Ja’marr Chase. 11 receptions, 264 yards, and 3 touchdowns - GOT ME FEELIN NICEY.

This performance was one of the top scoring fantasy performances of all time and worthy of a Wrestlemania match. It also carried Goonin with MaHomies to crap on the Smeagles. And if there’s someone who knows about shitting on someone (allegedly), it’s he above who shall not be named.

But that's enough of that. Ding Ding. Sound the bell. Let’s recap.

By the way, Tom and Rob split the team match up recaps amongst themselves. One actually wrote about wrestling, while the other wrote about Pokemon. I’ll let you guess who wrote which one lol.

Dropped from rankings: McConkey Kong

*(Points Scored x2) + (Points Scored * Winning %) + (Points Scored * Winning % if played vs the median score of the week)

GOONER OF THE WEEK:

Keeping up with our Wrestling theme, this week’s gooner is actually going to a stadium - and even more so - the host of Wrestlemania 38!

There’s no place better to goon than in the sunshine filled Jerry World! Jerry Jones thought he was building a Death Star like stadium with all the advantages for his team, yet somehow made a structural design that let in so much sunlight it blinded his own star Wide Receiver from catching a wide-open touchdown pass.

Look I didn’t think we’d see a building structure take home this award, but it’s so bright in there I'd be impossible to goon in the dark. As frequent goon cave dwellers, Jerry needs to give us a call on how to block out the light so maybe, juuuust maybe, his team can get some wins.

McConkey Kong vs. Detroit Lines:

After “Megan's” exit from the Fellowship, Katie needed a new rival. Unfortunately, she drew this season’s Balrog. Joe Burrow gave Jess an electric start with over 37 points. But Joe wasn't Home Alone, as Derrick Henry, Darnell Mooney, George Kittle and Najee Harris put up decent performances. Unfortunately, Katie channeled the Giants, with a Daniel Jones dud and a big Taysom Hill play being called back. This certainly wasn't Jess’s best performance, but she caught the Queen of the Jungle on an off day and sent her tumbling down the Empire State Building. Jess is officially the first team to clinch the playoffs and getting that Money in the Bank contract, while Katie remains a contender. Could a new rivalry bloom from Megan’s ashes?

Philadelphia Smeagles vs. Gooning with All MaHomies :

Send your kids to bed before you watch this matchup. I don't know where Tony bought his gas station boner pills, but I want some. This guy has had a hard on for weeks in a row. His secret? Ja’marr Chase. An insane 58.4 point performance sucker punched Josh harder than a Chigo Handshake. Wakeford actually got solid performances out of Purdy, Kelce and Ridley. Even CMC decided to come back and do his job. But the Smeagles simply couldn't overcome a negative defensive performance and a kicker who didn't play. Meanwhile, Tony is gooning to the moon, with yet another stellar week.

Spaghetti Mafia vs. Jimmy the Kid:

Jimmy's had it rough this season. Like a Broncos Field Goal, this guy's getting blocked. His debut rivalry week was more of the same. It's been thin at Wide Receiver for our poor boy. Even with that being said, his other positions can't hope to cover the lack of scoring elsewhere. Sorry Chase Brown. You've got Diontae Johnson and Khalil Shakir as your running mates. It's like the fantasy gods transformed his whole team into Tangelas and Exeggcutes. Does anyone even remember Joshua Palmer? Maybe Justin Herbert will considering that the Chargers finally look like they have an offense again.

Seemingly, the rigatoni Tony Sopranos have found the vibrato in their voice, hitting some high notes when it matters most. Led by future people’s magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” Mac Jones, this was a late but great addition to the line up. Gibbs and Montgomery on the same team in this deep of a league means that one RB floor + another RB floor = exactly one BOOM performance according to ESPN analytics. Anything is possible in fantasy, and it's good to see the Denver running back committee working out so well for Javonte Williams. When this season is over, I will go looking for you Javonte and hurt everyone you love. I mean it.

Lulu Lemons vs. Rawb Peeple:

The oldest rivalry in the Fellowship couldn't have caught our contenders in more different spots. Alex was coming off a five game win streak, while Rawb just breathed some life back into his season after a 5 game losing streak. Rob: the former Golden Boy turned Fallen Hero. Alex: the League Heel and famed shit talker. Murray and Hurts locked horns but found themselves in a stalemate, essentially canceling each other out. Rawb tagged in Ekeler and St. Brown, who had to stoop down to close line Kyler. However, James Cook hit Rob with a ladder, and Tyron Tracy body slammed Dalton Kincaid, ruining his shoulder.

Then it came down to MONDAY NIGHT RAWB.

It was all up to Devon Achane to win it all for the Rawblins. Despite the painstaking gameplay, it looked like Achane was going to pull off the pin, only for Alex to spin around and choke him. Alex is taking home a belt instead of a lemon, while Rob's sad boy syndrome has resumed.

Bodega Cat vs. Beerserkers:

Beerserkers and Bodega Cat. A historic rivalry. They both trade wins and losses like two prizefighters, but one of these prizefighters has yet to grab himself a championship belt--while the other feline fighter has cat-nabbed himself two!

And IF YOU SMELLLLLL WHAT DOM IS COOKIN!

This week was a strong showcase for the Bodega Cats, in spite of some players (cough cough Garrett Wilson cough Jaylen Waddle) leaving us a surprise in the litter box. With this victory, the Bodega Cats inch closer to a coveted playoff spot. He's tied with Kong and the Points For are stressfully close with four games left. Beerserkers should be fine for his playoff bid, but with losses piling up in the western conference and win streaks alive in the eastern conference, this team will need to regress to the higher means they were able to achieve earlier in the season to stay in the hunt.

The Algorithm vs. Stroud Boys:

Look, sometimes the machine just wins. Like a recently well-review Terminator Zero anime series on Netflix, Terminators are back. Despite this writer's hopes and dreams, this machine learning team continues to feast on underperforming matchups each and every week (while Rawb's team gets to sit near the top at total Points For with a losing record yay!!!). Lamar has scored over 30 pts on three separate weeks now. Malik? You couldn't fucking catch like two 20 yard passes at some point? In extra time no less. Call me an angry white man, but someone's gotta hold the G men accountable. Just ask George R. R. Martin.

BUT WAIT, WHAT’S THIS?! IT’s MAC JONES’S MUSIC! BY GOD! MAC JONES IS HERE WITH A STEEL CHAIR.

WHAT? HE WAS JUST IN THE MAFIA’S GAME, WHY IS HE HERE?!

Absolutely messing up the wallets of the Stroud Boys, and sending them home with a loss too, the MacJonesin’ faction got involved despite being part of the Mafia. This smells like a future Hell in a Cell match for revenge at Wrestlemania 41 in Vegas!

Haribo Lecter vs. Sacks in the City:

Miami's record can't be easy to stomach week-to-week. In spite of that, Tua and the offense got it done with a much needed victory after a thus far disappointing season. Unfortunately for Sacks, and a lot of us with Dolphins players on the roster, it didn't go the same way. Yeah, you expect Puka and Kyren to clutch the win with only Tua left but WTF Miami! Poor Sacks. The Philly defense couldn't help cover for some lackluster showings from JJ and Rhamondre Stevenson. With all of those downer performances, we all witnessed yet another unlikely celebratory dub for the nickname queen. After scoring 1.4 points in the first week, helping to bounce Rawb out of eliminator league, Chuba Hubbard and his Jabba the Hutt ass name is the number six RB in the Fellowship. Fuck you Roger Goodell.

We’ve now reached the Witching Hour of the season. Where wins become losses and losses become wins. Who will clinch the remaining seven playoffs spots?!