Week 15: Season's Beatings!

Ho ho ho! Merry Playoffs fantasy! We've had one holiday special recap, yes, but what about second* holiday special?

*Technically, we had a Halloween AND Thanksgiving one but just go with it peeple!

This is the first part of our rockin' 'round the Christmas Tree of Gondor Fellowship Christmas special! I hope that we're all ready for some needed relaxation with friends and family these next couple weeks. Also, I double hope that you're just about done with your holiday shopping (and if so could you please send some ideas my way - because I'm high key panicking!!!).

Anyways, let's go on a sleigh ride together and recap the very first week of our 2024 Fellowship playoffs.

Playoff Brackets:

We are onto the Semi-finals in both brackets! Which cream will rise to the top, and which Wan’Dale Robinson turd will float to the bottom? (Graphics will be updated for the remainder of the playoffs)

GOONER OF THE WEEK:

We’re back for another GOTW! (and probably the last one before our Gooner of the Year Awards).

But this is a special one, because just like Darnell Mooney when it comes to showing up in the Fantasy Football playoffs, everyone was dropping the ball this week.

And we saw it physically happen twice! Not only did the Bengals defense drop the ball before scoring, but so did Jonathan Taylor after a 41-yard TD run that eventually got ruled a touch back! I mean c’mon, we’d expect that in college ball, but here in the NFL?! What an absolute masterclass of dog shit. Freaking JT living up to his alma matter with some god damn Swiss cheese hands.

We'll start with the winners side of the bracket before moving on to the Toilet Bowl bracket!

Spaghetti Mafia vs. Detroit Lines:

Saquon Barkley isn't in the playoffs anymore but Javonte Williams is?! What kind of voodoo magic does Zach have up his sleeve? I hope it's not KRAMPUS! Not since the Golden State Warriors with Baron Davis versus the Dirk Dallas Mavericks have we seen such a brutal eighth seed takedown of a one seed! Seriously, it's not that we didn't lay down the lembas bread crumbs down (Zach's team has been on a recent scoring tear if you remember dear readers), but man what an upset nevertheless! Even if she had Goff in the lineup, Jess would have only barely cleared 94 total points. Her running back trio only accounted for 19.3 points this week. The Eagles star receivers bitched and moaned enough that the run game was a non-factor against Pittsburgh. Smh. It was truly a BUST that breached the gates of Helms Deep. Zach didn't have the biggest week, but Terry and Gibbs still boomed enough to seal the victory. The top half of the bracket can really go to anyone now. Zach's moving on to play a potential Kevin McCallister eighth seed spoiler in the league, grinning with mischief. And Jess and her Detroit Lines are gone ice fishin'!

Haribo Lecter vs. Bodega Cats:

Jumping to another east versus west matchup, we have a former championship rematch! Dom took my wife down again (don't read into that please). While it was close during the early parts of last Sunday, our two time champ reminded us again how he's always just a couple pop-off performances from being the Clark Griswold that actually got his Christmas bonus! The Bodega Cats lit up the scoreboard like a xmas tree with another special Josh Allen week against Detroit, and a truly clutch game from James Conner. With the Jets coming slightly alive, Dom might be the comeback George Bailey of the league! It's a Wonderful Life for a Bodega Cat as he was just 2-5 earlier in the season, and outside of one blemish loss against the Smeagles, this team has held on to keep winning! Looking to the east, we'll toast some eggnog for another playoff berth performance for the nickname queen. We know that she's been a boom or bust team, usually going as high as the Rams will take her, but it was a solid overall performance. She had Smith on the bench, but even if he was in the lineup - she couldn't match the Josh Allen unlimited-Palpatine-powerrr. I hope that Kirk Cousins can still have a Merry Christmas.

Semis Matchup Preview: Spaghetti Bolognese scratch 'em cats!

I think we're giving the college football expanded playoff a run for their money, right? RIGHT everyone?! Two comeback kids this year! Zach's got a well balanced attack (now minus a David Montgomery though) that catapulted him into the higher boom tiers of scoring. Dom's got Josh Allen. The goombas over in Sicily and Little Italy NYC are going to be crossing their cannoli's and praying to santa maria that Buffalo's run game against NE this week puts Allen out of the game script. Make sure to lock in all of your DraftKings bets before 1 PM EST this Sunday: use promo code FLLWSHP to get an additional 50 dollars after your first bet!

Gooning With All Mahomies vs. LuLu Lemons :

Tony gooned too close to the sun. I don't know what kind of Freaky Friday situation happened, but it looks like Ja'Marr Chase and Davante Adams switched bodies. I wasn't ready for that holiday movie let me tell ya. LuLu was filming his own movie in the meantime: The Grinch Who Stole Winmas! Lemons are on a tear now, popping off with the highest score of the week. James on the Bills cooked in Goff's house, while Hunt on the Chiefs played as small as a mouse. As Davante and JSN popped off, it was sick! The Gooners couldn't keep up, not even Bo Nix. Who would've thought that Jeudy would be the high player for Tony? GGs Tony! Sorry about the Njoku and Walker injuries, but that's the way the Christmas cookie crumbles sometimes.

Sacks in the City vs. Beerserkers:

This was kind of like a Hallmark movie. Only if the Hallmark movie ended with a Viking beating on a NYC socialite senseless. It's Christmas so I immediately take back that joke, but Jay-Z can't take what he did. We all know what you did Shawn! ...anyways, it feels like Tom's team is back to its usual self. The HBO girls couldn't quite handle a Jayden Daniels, Alvin Kamara, Josh Jacobs, and Brian Thomas Jr. team all coming into the postseason with Liquid IV flowing through their veins. Tua came crashing down after his hot streak, and the rest of the Sacks were MIA behind a respectable Justin Jefferson finish. Pushing all jokes to the side for a moment. I want to thank all the wives for putting up with us, especially around the holidays. It ended up being us boys winning over the girls this postseason, and even though it does in fact feel very good, I still want to thank you all for playing with us every week and setting those lineups! Happy Holidays ladies.

Semis Matchup Preview: Viking Puppy Bowl brawl! Skol!

The boys are back in town! Yeah, wooo go MEN! I'm like a little cheerleader here. Go Dom! Go Tom! Go Alex! Ass slaps all around! Glazing here and there, and all around the square. Just call me Rawby the Glazin' Blowman! Alex and Tom have some work cut out for their squads in this marquee matchup. Everyone's 8-6 (except for the Javonte Mafia) and it's going to be a super tight matchup where every skill position player will have advantages and disadvantages walking into the last few weeks of the regular season. Can Davante Adams and JSN still cook? Will Brian Thomas Jr. bust after a couple good weeks for Jaguars? Tyreek, where you at? Tom wrote you in Houston, but you still ain't callin'. The Beerserkers left their cell, email, and wife's phone at the bottom. Let's see who shows up. I've got my popcorn ready!

Let's look at the other teams here that weren't so fortunate to score that playoff berth!

RawbPeeple vs. McConkey Kong:

All Rawb wants for Christmas... isss for this kind of performance to happen during the two weeks of the regular season where it would've actually mattered! Thanks for NOTHING Santa, you old washed-up king prick! I don't even get to keep the cool ass trophy now. Okay fine, yes, I'm happy with a win here. Sun God had another good week, and that usually happens when the Lions are down and are forced to throw and target one of the best weapons in the NFL. Hurts cooked and Achane and Reichard (huh) helped with a solid floor too. The candy-cane-to-the-ankle injury to Chubb hurts the RawbPeeple as they have a rematch with (newly minted) secondary rival Stroud Boys. Thielen and Kincaid will need to step it up! I feel bad for Kongs tbh. A once promising team with some variety couldn't find the groove. Mixon, Metcalf, and a benched Jordan Love all had potential to back up a weekly boom caliber player: AJ Brown. But AJ Brown had to literally Karen complain his way back into the Eagles offense because they kept playing with that new Barkely toy every week. I hope that Katie doesn't have to sit in the losers' bracket for much longer. The Beerserkers' Mrs. Claus has a date with the Smeagles next week.

The Algorithm vs. Stroud Boys:

I bet Trevor's hoping for a new hard drive nestled under that tree. I hear they make some fast solid state ones that can compute 10x faster and pick up BOTH Ja'Marr Chase and Saquon on the same roster. Lamar finally had CeeDee and LaPorta as some solid running mates yet a victory in the consolation bracket was NOT meant to be. Just a bit more from Flowers or Addison, or even something from Warren against the Eagles, might have been that difference. As it stands, the Stroud Boys look like THAT team in the losers' bracket that should have been in the top eight. Big props for Ron this season. Stroud did you dirty this year in fantasy. Seriously, we should have CJ court marshalled for spoiling what could have been a fun Fellowship Fantasy Christmas playoff run for Mike-fucking-Evans still showing the world how it's done. Nice run though. I'm not conceding, but I don't know if my horses can stack up with this roster clicking this hard. Trev revs up against Jimmy the Kid. That SHOULD be a cakewalk, but ya just never know...

Jimmy Da Kid vs. The Philadelphia Smeagles:

[Commissioner edit: I don't think RawbPeeple realized Jimmy and Wakeford were on bye this week in the Toilet Bowl bracket, and still wrote this recap portion anyway lol. For those playing at home, this match up did not count towards the bracket which makes this section that much better]

M-m-m-matchup of the W-w-w-week! Let's go Jimmy! Way to ice out the Smeagles and just pile on the shame. Old Jeppson's be praised! It's a Toilet Bowl miracle on 34th street! Santa came in and saved the kid's ass with some Jonnu, Shakir, and a lil bit of Higgins in this spicy peppermint bark vodka tonic to cover a Derek Carr bagel. Meanwhile, Nico Collins would STILL like to be placed ahead of Calvin Ridley one day. Keep trying Nico, and you might one day be a starter in the Fellowship Fantasy league! I know it's weird to place so much stock in a toilet bowl run, but can the Smeagles DO IT!? Read that last sentence in a thick, posh British football club announcer voice and thank me later. Fucking right ya hooligan!

The Smeagles get the Kongs next week! The race to the bottom is looking as unpredictable as ever. Trevor's hoping that AI can cook him out of this one. Haribo takes on Detroit in the top half of the consolation bracket, and Gooning gets to be the fourth woman to land in the losers' bracket this weekend as he prepares to goon off in front of Samantha and the girls against Sacks in the City.

Happy holidays to everyone in our league! From myself, the Commish, and the whole Fellowship of the League recap staff. We couldn't meme without you guys!