Week 2: It's Never 2 Late

Happy Post - Over reaction week, Fellowship! Good News: half of you scored over 120 points. The Bad News: half of you still lost! Mwahaha. Let's take a look around the wasteland to see who triumphed as true Wastelanders and who ended up as ghoul lunch.

Beerserkers vs. Sacks in the City

It probably wasn't wise for me to party with Stefan Diggs on a boat before this matchup. After huffing purple powder with him I decided to set him in my lineup while leaving my bench on the boat. Big mistake. They had a hell of a party, while I had the hangover. Drake Maye was looking like HIM but Evan Ingram was looking like a LIMP dick. Meanwhile, Alyssa came to play with Devon Achane firing on all cylinders cruising along. Also, Alyssa fostered a 2nd year breakout, proving that all roads do indeed lead to Rome Odunze. 32.3 points? Are you serious? To cap it all off Jacoby Meyers dragged his sack across the Beerserkers solidifying the win for Alyssa.

Lulu Lemons vs. Average Boes

The raining champ was riding high after week one in a matchup against what he thought was a bunch of average bozos. But Tucker Kraft shut him right the fuck up and Josh Jacobs served him up some extra sour lemonade. Just in Fields took one sip grimaced, and tripped on a curb possibly ending his season lol. The foot of Brandon Aubrey can deliver greatness, but an open QB spot is incredibly hard to fill. Especially when your Malik neighbors buy up almost 40 points worth of lemonade and leave the points cart empy. Sorry Lulu, all we have left in stock is some humble tea.

Haribo Lecter vs. The Algorithm

I think I speak for everyone when I cannot express how frustrated I am with Trevor's calculations. Like Bill Belichick on a blind date, Trevor is scribbling out exactly how to beat his opponents with the least effort possible. In the lowest scoring matchup of the week, the Bears drug Abigail down by 11 points, and Treyveon Henderson's rookie hype couldn't dig her out of that hole. Trevor looked like he was going to be buried after Joe Burroughs injury, but an uncannily healthy Christian McCaffrey led the way to overcoming his own negative five Denver Broncos. Abigail vibed her way through the draft but unfortunately can't vibe her way out of this one. This victory goes to the zeros and ones.

Philadelphia Smeagles vs. Detroit Lines

This matchup saw two teams coming in from completely opposite angles. Josh scored a dub to start week one after a disappointing season while the Detroit Lions combusted with the lowest score despite being a juggernaut last regular season. It actually seemed like she was cooked this time as well, with Austin Eckler falling apart in what could be his last season. Even worse for Jess was that Josh had a killer running back combo of James Cook, Jaylen Warren and Tyrone Tracy. But the Sun God put the team on his back shouldering the burden of several players. Meanwhile, the Baltimore defense more than doubled the score of Josh's Texans. The Bake show could serve up a 4th quarter comeback, but couldn’t pull a dub out of the oven for Josh.

Jimmy da Kid vs. The Movie Chef

Mama mia! How can anybody run a restaurant with a staff like this? After their heartbreaking loss last week, Tony's team decided to take the day off. Studs like Jalen Hurts, Derrick Henry, and Drake London decided to take a siesta. But Jimmy delivered a Romanian hurtng, with role model Tyreek Hill having a bounce back performance and Javonte Williams looking like an absolute steal at the end of his 25-point game. Tony can wash down his team shit-mirengue with the Macksucken. Jimmy loses his beloved honor after 53 days and 8 games dating back to October 10th, 2024.

Rawbpeeple vs.McConkey Kong

Players like Abigail seem to be able to skate by using silly names alone. However, Katie's cousin JJ did her dirty, racking up less than 3 points. Foster the Rawbpeeple didn't play around this week, racking up a respectable 122 points, with Jamar Chase stock going to the moon with 37 points. Katie's defense and kicker were her two highest scorers if that illustrates the kind of week she had, with the Rawblins claiming victory over the queen of the jungle. On a side note she now looks like a genius for drafting three quarterbacks as two of them are already injured. Talk about foresight being 20/20.

Bodega Cat vs. Spaghetti Mafia

Well, would you look at what the Bodega Cat dragged in. This week's biggest beatdown is also the comeback story of the week. Dom seemed harmless after a disappointing Week 1. Zack thought he was being invited out to a friendly fishing trip on Lake Tahoe. When he got on to Dom's boat with the mafia, Zack thought he was safe with wise guys like Lamar Jackson. However, Kareem Hunt and Marvin Harrison Jr were immediately thrown overboard scoring less than 10 points combined meanwhile, Dak Prescott, Jonathan Taylor, Quinton Johnston and CD lamb silently put this one away. Two fantasy owners left on the boat. But it was only a bodega cat in a fedora left alone fishing at the end of the night. I guess you can call him “Whacked Abraham” now.

At the end of week two only two teams are left undefeated, with the Algorithm and Sacks in the City sitting on the thrones of East and West respectively. Meanwhile, Movie Chef and Beerserkers are bringing up the rear and what could be panic mode if they're spirals continue. This season is just starting ladies and gentlemen so strapping, check the waiver wire, and we'll see you back here for week 3!